Peace in Direction continued

Everyday I have to face this same divide. Even though we may be close, we can never really have a connection. Ok so people with multiple backgrounds feel left out. There is definitely more to it. From my experience, people find ways of making these feelings of exclusion worse. I have always hated people to ask me “what are you?” or “what is your background?” The question alone is reasonable, but what can I say? I do not want to go through the list. There is not one that is over another and when people ask and you answer there is always a “no way” or “you are lying”. They assume I am lying and that one group I list is perhaps a minuscule percentage such as 12%. Well no! Why cannot people except this. They want to know what group makes up the majority. I am what I have said and if you do not believe me, there is nothing I can do. So I do not tell people.
Lately I have realized something more that deals with background or maybe even origin. Some people will not date outside of their “race”. This has been around for a while, but I kind of thought that maybe it was not so much an issue anymore. So I hope that it is clear what I am trying to explain. No identity, not background, equates to no relationships, no future and further loneliness. So I feel now I am not only unable to find an identity within a group of people, but now no matter what I do I will always be alone and unloved. It really hurts. It doesn’t matter who you are or how nice you are, they don’t care because you are not apart of their group. Even worse is when you are part of their group and just because you don’t look a certain way or because you are not “pure blood” you are still nothing to them; worthless. Perhaps these words are in reflection of personal experience. Some people fine there place, but with discovery, does not a certain divide take place. So if I feel more comfortable with these people over another… does that mean I am rejecting part of who I am? So everyday I wish I were someone else, someone better than who I am, for the person I love and for those around me. I want to be better than others too and show them that I am kind, caring, loving and determined. Then maybe they will accept me. I know it seems dumb, but this is what some people have to go through. But from all of this, I have become able to see the world differently than others. I do not see a Latino person or an Asian person, I see a human being and an individual. This perspective I would not trade for anything and I wish I could clearly share it with the world. Perhaps if people all over the world would understand as I do, there would not be genocide, discrimination, superiority complexes, and violence between people. I wish it could be this way. There is more I wish I could say, but for now I have to be silent about this issue.

Peace in Direction

I think that it is time that I become more truthful on how I feel about certain topics. There are many things in my life that I find stressful and difficult to discuss. I want to first go over the issue on unity and past identification. Throughout the world lie groups of people who banned together and share a common ethnicity, ideal, and religion. These people have over time created their own traditions and customs that have become like their identity. So what happens when someone does not have that unity found with one group of people? What if the background or identity ties are unclear or disconnected? This is an issue that many people with more than one background have to face. This is a journey that can be long, lonely, and often painful. Until recently I have not really paid much attention to the “racial” divides people have artificially created to form the “them” and “us” divide. But race really does not have much to do with it. The Encarta World English Dictionary says:

Race n.
each of the major divisions of humankind, having distinct physical characteristics : people of all races, colors, and creeds.
• a group of people sharing the same culture, history, language, etc.; an ethnic group : we Scots were a bloodthirsty race then.
• the fact or condition of belonging to such a division or group; the qualities or characteristics associated with this : people of mixed race.
• a group or set of people or things with a common feature or features : some male firefighters still regarded women as a race apart.
• Biology a population within a species that is distinct in some way, esp. a subspecies : people have killed so many tigers that two races are probably extinct.
• (in nontechnical use) each of the major divisions of living creatures : a member of the human race | the race of birds.
• poetic/literary a group of people descended from a common ancestor : a prince of the race of Solomon.
• archaic ancestry : two coursers of ethereal race.

So what does this mean? These racial categories can really consist of whatever similar characteristics the mind of the chooser decides upon. I could create a racial group consisting of those who have rather busy eyebrow and call them their own race. So who decided how these racial groups would be divide? Back in the early 19th century an emphasis was placed on race as a way to explain and support ideas of racial superiority and social Darwinism. The inferiority of some races over others was used as justification for slavery, attitudes of discrimination, exploitation, and ultimately extermination. This extreme came fast in the 1930s with the rise of the Nazi regime and ideology and other fascist groups. Now though, it has been made very clear that intelligence has nothing to do with racial background. As birds, human beings can come in many different colors, shapes, and with different characteristics. Even so, it is also clear that genetic variation between individuals of the same race can be as great as that between members of different races. We are all the same. This should not be surprising.
So race is but an illusion perpetuated by humankind. It does not need to be an issue, but I feel that people have become so use to categorizing things that they find comfort in groups and divisions. There is something in knowing that you are with others “just like you” that share so much in common and have things that only you have always had together. There is a peace of mind and a comfort. So it can be understood, this need for grouping, race. Even so, with grouping come exceptions. What of those who do not fit in to the common groupings? I come from a multiracial background. It never bothered me before, but the more I witness the way the world thinks the more I am pushed to find my place or be left as an outsider. Looking at others I see them proudly exhibiting their families traditional way of cooking or traditional music and story and am pushed even further way. I do not have that. I was born in America. This country is all I have, but what are the traditions of America? There is one major difference between the USA and other countries. America is not only a very young country, but what makes America America is that it is made up of people from everywhere. This concept I find to be amazing, but frightening at the same time. Other countries are made of thousands and thousands of years of traditions, customs, and history. When people come to America, they bring their history with them and share it with others while holding on to what makes them them. So when you have a multicultural background these traditions can be lost and someone as myself ends up without an identity. Identity is the fact of being who or what a person or thing is. It is both a simple and complex concept. To know who you are is to be free from uncertainty and to truly live. I don’t feel I have an identity or that I really even exist. This is one of the worse feelings a person could ever experience. With it comes loneliness, fear of rejection, and emptiness. It is strange, I am speaking from personal experience, and in so I am saying that even though I have friends that I love very much and know are true, I still feel that I do not belong when I am with them.